WEP The DOs and DONTs for Divorced Parents

ROBERT M. NEWELL, PH.D.

FORENSIC AND CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY

Specializing in Behavioral Healthcare for Children &

Adolescents, Families, Couples, and Adults.

HOME

TREATMENT

SERVICES

WHAT EVERY PARENT NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT

THE DOs AND DON’Ts FOR DIVORCED PARENTS

The behavior of parents both pre and post-divorce has a substantial influence on their children’s emotional adjustment. Here are some guidelines that I tell parents:

The DOs:

· DO put your children's welfare first. Never use your children as a weapon against your ex-spouse.

· DO be sure that your children have unrestricted access to the other parent.

· DO follow and adhere to the conditions in the Parenting Plan. Give the other parent and the children as much notice as you can when you will not be able to keep to the schedule. Be considerate. Be flexible. You may both need to adjust the schedule from time to time.

· DO communicate appropriately with your ex spouse as it pertains to your children. Try to agree on decisions about the children, especially matters of discipline, so that one parent is not undermining the other parent's efforts.

· DO not let guilt you may feel about the marriage breakdown interfere with discipline of your children. Parents must be ready to say "No" when necessary.

· DO take responsibility for your actions when you make a mistake. You are only human—you are not a perfect parent. When you make a mistake, own and make a commitment to try to do better next time.

· DO Giving of yourself is more important than giving material things. Feverish rounds of holiday type activities during every visitation period or lavish gifts may be viewed as a crude effort to purchase affection, and is not good for the children.

· DO maintain your composure at all times. Try to maintain your sense of humor so that you can laugh through the painful times.

· DO Remember that your children's behavior is affected by your attitude and conduct.

· DO assure your children they are not to blame for their parents’ breakup, and that they are not being rejected or abandoned by either parent.

The DON’Ts:

· DO NOT criticize the other parent in front of your children. Your children need to respect both parents.

· DO NOT introduce your children to your new romantic interest until the children have adjusted to your separation, and until you are sure that your new relationship is stable and is long-term.

· DO NOT bring your children with you to court or to your attorney’s office.

· DO NOT use your children as spies to report to you about the other parent.

· DO NOT use your children as couriers to deliver messages, money, or information to your ex spouse.

· DO NOT undermine your ex spouse’s role as your children’s father/mother, regardless of your feelings toward him or her.

· DO NOT argue with or confront your ex spouse while either dropping off or picking up the children, or at any other time.

· DO NOT listen in on your children's phone calls with the other parent.

BACK

DR. ROBERT M. NEWELL

Telephone: 509-910-0329

Email: mail@drrobertnewell.com

Website: www.drrobertnewell.com